I was thinking about life on my 20 minute commute home the other day, because really when else are you going to contemplate life? There are so often times when I stop and wish I had done “something cool”. Basically something different than I’d actually done. Maybe travel before getting a “real job”. Maybe date a bit longer before getting married (I love you Adam!). I was listening to Ed Sheeran’s new song when this came up and the idea of traveling and meeting other people and dating and such was inherent in the song.
But really, apart from maybe falling in love in Russia or something, my life has all of the “cool” elements in it. Adam and I have a great love story, I renovate houses, I’m in a super cool job that I actually like and excel at at a very young age, I had a pretty crazy run of it in high school and college, Adam and I are learning country swing, I practice Muay Thai, and on and on. We even plan to buy a lot of land, retire early, freelance and/or start our own business, and have a small farm. Overall my life is pretty cool and fun.
So why, when I’m heading home on a Wednesday afternoon, do I feel kind of lame? I don’t go out much. I don’t like eating out. I don’t like movie theaters and they feel pretty lame anyways. I don’t like paying $8 for a glass of wine when the bottle is $12. Clubs are loud and stupid. I don’t have any friends I see on a weekly basis. I work 8 hours a day, come home, and either cook, work on the house, or watch TV. Rarely we dance or practice shooting or I garden. And then I look around and another week has gone by, I’m closer to 30 and still am not ready to have a kid because I feel like it’ll take up the amount of free time I have now and I’ll get even less done.
But from the outside, Adam and I have everything that I see media telling us to aspire to. We’re a hipster-y couple who renovate, work techie jobs, cook whole foods meals from scratch, aspire to own a small farm, and have weird eccentricities along with cool hobbies and the money to travel. My life is kind of cool when I step back from it. But I’m not far back, I’m in it daily. I’m at my computer, bored, because it’s 3pm and I’ve finished everything for the day. I’m at home watching the second show of the evening.
I don’t hate my life or anything. I rather like it. I have a good marriage, good income, good food. I’m happy. But when I see the end result of something like Chip and Joanna Gaines or something like that and even when I read their biography I only see the highlights. And I can’t help comparing because–gosh darn it–I should be able to start quit my job and start my own successful flip and furnishing store and wouldn’t that be really cool? But I don’t and I probably won’t because I don’t hate what I do and I like what my stable income does for me.
But I think I’m doing the same thing everyone else does: they look at the highlights in a life and miss the boredom, the frustration, the days of work. It’s hard to know where we’ll turn up before we’re there. Maybe one day I’ll do CRO and UX work freelance or contract and live on my own little farm where I can hold country swing dances.